How to make dinner date conversation?

You’re sitting across from your date and they’re speechless. And it’s not just because you’re super cute. It’s because they are literally speechless, as in they have nothing to say. 

They bring up the snowy weather and how much traffic there was because of it, and then it’s back to radio silence.

Oh boy, this is going to be a looooong dinner, you mutter under your breath.

And then you remember the dinner date conversation strategies from your Explearning communications toolkit. Chachinnnng! Let the good times roll.

Don’t go anywhere, cause we’re going to get into it.

In the age of online dating and dating apps, more and more people are meeting people online. And after a few DMs and written communication exchanges, you might meet face-to-face, right? Cause, eventually you’ll need to see each other IRL.

So when you do have that dinner date conversation, I want you to be as best prepared as you can to put your best foot forward.

What’s really important to note is that the tips I am about to share with you are just as applicable to catching up with a friend as they are a romantic setting. 

But in both scenarios, you need to make conversation. And that doesn’t mean texting each other from across the table. I can’t tell you how many times I've seen dates where both people are on their phones instead of speaking to each other. I mean, come’on! What’s the point of spending money on a restaurant, or putting together a special meal, if all you’re going to remember is what happened on your phone screen?

Ok, enough ranting -- on to the strategies. And by the way, at the end I’ve also included a little bonus fallback strategy you can deploy if you forget these.

Ask thoughtful questions 

A big rookie mistake is to start by talking about yourself. You won’t learn anything about the other person, and you’ll risk appearing self-obsessed. A conversation is a two-way street and since it is bi-directional, you both need to get the chance to speak.

So instead, it’s really important to ask questions. In fact, there is no better way to launch into a conversation. Questions give you the information you need to guide the conversation in a meaningful way. By learning about who they are, you can identify topics of mutual interest to explore.

With this in mind, don’t ask empty questions, whose answers you couldn’t care less about. Ask questions you actually want to know the answer to. To do this, you should tie the questions to your own values. That’ll get you closer to figuring out if you want to hang out more with this person – be it as a friend or a romantic partner.

So, let’s say you love to hike. Since that’s important to you, it might be a good idea to ask questions pertaining to nature, outdoor activities, camping, and topics in that general vicinity. 

So that’s one type of question, where you seek to uncover potential compatibility.

Another type of question is one that is used to spark their curiosity and interest.

For this, you’ll need to pay attention to the other person’s nonverbals. For example, did they get excited when you mentioned mixing tables at an EDM concert? Or did they ask follow up questions when you mentioned you’ve just returned from a sailing trip in Thailand?

You’ll know the person is interested in the topic if they want to know more. Nonverbals also reveal this information in the form of opening their eyes wider, raising their eyebrows, leading in and doing a triple nod. So be on the lookout for those and use them as a signal for what to dive deeper into.

Be honest

Keep it real. People can tell when you are being dishonest. Research on deception shows that when we try to hide charged emotions, we end up revealing our true feelings in the form of microexpressions, which are expressions that flash across our face within a fraction of a second. 

These exists across cultures, so as humans we’re equipped to read these microexpressions. We may not even realize we are reading them, but in the back of your mind, you are constantly assessing whether something someone is saying is true or not, and their body language is silently feeding you clues as to what’s really going on.

So if you’re flubbing, chances are the person across the table is going to pick up on that, consciously or subconsciously, and it will prevent them from trusting you and opening up.

And look, I get it, sometimes we like to expand the truth a bit. Embellish our skills or stories for comedic or dramatic effect. I’m not saying you’re speaking under oath here. What I am saying is that the further you stray from the truth, the worse the outcome is likely to be.

Wasn’t it Ben Franklin who said “Honesty is the best policy?” Keep that in mind.

Avoid TMI

Avoid giving away too much (irrelevant) information! Unless this is a bestie, you want to avoid laying it all out upfront. The person is not your shrink. So, don’t put them in that position. It’ll make them uncomfortable and it might give the wrong impression. Once you get to know each other well enough you can swap stories but developing a close relationship takes time. At the moment they just don’t have the context.

You should absolutely feel free to be transparent, but be thoughtful about what you share at the outset. Focus on the positive stuff, the stuff you enjoy, or are excited about. That’s stuff that you can be completely honest and transparent about without fear of sounding like a headcase. 

Well actually I enjoy some pretty nerdy stuff, so maybe not in my case, but you get the point. If they’re not into what you enjoy, then they’re probably not a good fit, so why bother sharing anything else?

Okay, so, the next time you’re having a dinner date conversation remember the three key things to do: (1) ask thoughtful questions so they learn about you, and you them, (2) be honest because you are way cooler that way, and (3) avoid TMI at the outset by sticking to the positive stuff rather than embarking on a deep dive into the dark recesses of your mind. 

And now for the bonus strategy. If you forget everything I just said, that’s okay. Just remember this: the most important thing is to act as natural as possible. Don’t try to pretend you are someone you are not. Don’t act the way you think the person wants you to act. Because remember the goal here. You want to hang out with someone who likes you for your authentic self. So show it. 

The hardest thing is to be you, but it’s also the most impressive and admirable. So be you. Speak your truth. And don’t try to fit into the mold of someone you think they are expecting you to be.

With practice, you’ll find that you’ll be able to go into increasingly fun and unique topics as you gain the confidence to speak from the heart.

Alright Explearners, that’s a wrap on this lesson. Add these strategies to your Explearning communications toolkit, try them out, and make them your own.

If you loved this lesson be sure to let me know. Like, comment and share, it really helps support the Explearning community and all the hard work we put into this channel.

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I’ll see you in the next Explearning Communications lesson!😊

Happy Explearning!

About the Author and the Explearning Academy:

Mary Daphne is an expert in communication, executive interpersonal skills, and personal development. She is the founder of the Explearning Academy, a platform dedicated to helping individuals enhance their social fluency, boost their careers, and elevate their social game. Through immersive group coaching programs like the Executive Communication Lab and self-guided journeys, participants gain the social superpowers and career catapults they've been searching for. If you're ready to take your negotiation skills to the next level and connect with like-minded individuals, visit academy.explearning.co and explore the various plans available. Join the Explearning Academy community and unlock your full potential.

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