Hello Explearners. Welcome back. Recently in our community we talked about the power of habits and habit stacking to free up space to use our brain power in more creative and effective ways. Members had tremendously valuable insights, and it was truly uplifting and informative. If you yourself would like to partake in those, then I'd encourage you to join our community Explearning Academy. Sign up at academy.explearning.co. We'd love to have you. 

In this lesson we're discussing how to defuse a tense situation.

Fighting is not typically seen as a positive or productive way to resolve conflicts or differences. Instead of fighting, it's much better to try to communicate and come up with an understanding or agreement with the other person. If you are in a situation where you need to verbally defend yourself, it's important to stay calm and think about the best way to protect yourself without insulting the other person. If possible, try to defuse the situation and find a way to remove yourself from the situation. 

Here are some strategies you can use to try to defuse a tense situation. 

Keep calm. Try to remain calm and collected even if the other person is angry or upset. Taking a big, deep breath and counting to 10 can help you stay grounded and calm. Staying calm can help you think clearly and avoid saying things that you might regret later. It can also help prevent the situation from escalating and becoming more difficult to deescalate. Additionally, staying calm can make it easier to listen to the other person and understand their perspective, which can help you to come up with a resolution or a compromise.

Listen. Give the other person your full and utmost attention and try to understand their perspective. Ask clarifying questions to make sure you understand what they're trying to say. 

Use I statements instead of you statements. So instead of blaming the other person or making accusations, try to express your own feelings and perspective using I statements. For example, instead of saying "you are being unreasonable", you could say, "I feel frustrated when we don't agree on things." 

Avoid yelling or raising your voice. Yelling or raising your voice will only escalate the matter and make it more serious and more difficult to come to an understanding. 

Absolutely always avoid physical contact. Unless you're in immediate danger, try to avoid physical contact with the other person. This can help to deescalate the situation and prevent it from becoming violent. 

Suggest a break or a little timeout. If the situation is spiraling out of control, maybe you should suggest taking a break for the two of you to calm down. You could say something like, "I think we both need to take a minute to calm down". "Let's take a quick break and talk about this later when we're both feeling a bit more rational." 

Seek help. If you're in a situation that feels unsafe or you're unable to deescalate the situation on your own, don't hesitate to seek help from a trusted friend, family member, or authority figure. 

When you're in the midst of an argument, it can be very difficult to communicate effectively.

Here are some tips for communicating during an argument. 

Stay calm. As mentioned earlier, it's extremely important to stay as calm and collected as you can during an argument. This will help you think clearly and avoid saying things that you would regret. 

Listen. Focus on what the person is saying and how they're saying it. Do not interrupt them. Don't talk over them and try to avoid making assumptions about what they're going to say. 

Avoid attacking. Instead of attacking the other person, which we call an ad hominem, try to focus on the issue at hand. Avoid making personal attacks or saying hurtful things that are not related to the issue at hand.

Use I statements over you statements, for example, instead of saying "You always do this or you always do that", you could say, "You know, I feel really frustrated when we have the same argument over and over. Time and time again." 

Be open to compromise. Try to be open to compromise. Compromising doesn't mean you lost the argument. That is a great way to find a solution that works for both of you. This might mean making some concessions on both sides to find a middle ground. 

Take a timeout if necessary. If the argument is getting way out of control and you're both really heated and not able to communicate effectively and calmly, then take a little break and reconvene when you've both had time to cool down.

Are you ready to put this into practice? I have a set of quests for you to complete if you are a member of our private community Explearning Academy. So if you'd like the quests, the discussion, the weekly plan and exercises that go along with this lesson, then be sure to sign up by going to academy.explearning.co. Or just sign up using the link down below. Hope to see you there.

To sum up staying calm, diffusing tense situations and effective communication are all important in resolving conflicts and preventing them from escalating. Instead of fighting or resorting to violence, it's often better to try to communicate and find a resolution that works for both parties by staying calm, listening to the other person, and using I statements, you can help to deescalate the situation and find a peaceful middle ground and hopefully arrive at a resolution. 

All right, thank you for joining me. I hope that you enjoyed this lesson. Be sure to subscribe to the YouTube channel, follow the podcast, and share the YouTube channel and podcast with anyone who wants to improve their communication, social skills, and reach social fluency, and maybe I'll see you in my community.

Bye for now.

About the Author and the Explearning Academy:

Mary Daphne is an expert in communication, executive interpersonal skills, and personal development. She is the founder of the Explearning Academy, a platform dedicated to helping individuals enhance their social fluency, boost their careers, and elevate their social game. Through immersive group coaching programs like the Executive Communication Lab and self-guided journeys, participants gain the social superpowers and career catapults they've been searching for. If you're ready to take your negotiation skills to the next level and connect with like-minded individuals, visit academy.explearning.co and explore the various plans available. Join the Explearning Academy community and unlock your full potential.

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