The Silent treatment. Stonewalling. What do these phrases mean, anyway? Today we are talking about what to do when someone shuts down emotionally and cannot express themselves. When we are reluctant to get to the bottom of an issue, stonewalling escalates it into a bigger conflict. Let’s explearn how to stop stonewalling.

People stonewall when they have a problem that they don’t know how to solve. And they stonewall usually towards the person they take issue with. We’ve all experienced the silent treatment. 

So how do you deal with a stonewaller? In this lesson I am going to teach you how to be a savvy communicator with this magic phrase.

If you want someone to open up to you and end the stonewalling. Here’s what you say:

• If you can’t communicate the problem, I won’t be able to help you. 
• If you can’t tell me what the problem is, how can I help you?

This phrase immediately disarms the person who is stonewalling you because you are talking a collaborative and problem-solving approach. You’re positioning yourself as someone who wants to help.

Let’s see this phrase in action.

Example 1:

Little Mikey thinks you found his stash of twizzlers and threw them away. He stonewalls and sits at the table in anger.

What’s wrong? Everything ok? Why are you upset? à these don’t break down the wall.

Mikey, if you can’t tell me what the problem is, how can I help you? (tone of voice: Firm but kind)

Ah.. he speaks. Mikey asks you why you threw his twizzlers away. Maybe you did maybe you didn’t, but you’ve got him talking and you can work it out together.

Example 2:

Suzanne and Fred are in a disagreement over the division of labor at home.

Suzanne decides to give Fred the silent treatment. She has a tense look on her face.

Instead of saying, what’s the matter – why do you look so sad? 

Fred uses tactical communication because he’s savvy. 

Sooze, if you can’t communicate the issue, how can I help you? (tone: firm but kind)

Suzanne is disarmed with that statement and she opens up. She explains to him that she’s overwhelmed with juggling work, kids, and household maintenance. Together they work out a solution of outsourcing some of the household chores so that she is not as overwhelmed and Fred playing a more active role with the kids. 

Remember Explearners, most problems can be solved through tactical communication. 

Stonewalling and giving people the silent treatment makes it difficult to problem solve. We’ve remedied this issue with this marvelous phrase:

If you can’t communicate the problem, I won’t be able to help you. 

Add this phrase to your communication toolbox and watch the stonewalls disappear 😊

I’ll see you in the next lesson 😊

Happy Explearning 🐝

About the Author and the Explearning Academy:

Mary Daphne is an expert in communication, executive interpersonal skills, and personal development. She is the founder of the Explearning Academy, a platform dedicated to helping individuals enhance their social fluency, boost their careers, and elevate their social game. Through immersive group coaching programs like the Executive Communication Lab and self-guided journeys, participants gain the social superpowers and career catapults they've been searching for. If you're ready to take your negotiation skills to the next level and connect with like-minded individuals, visit academy.explearning.co and explore the various plans available. Join the Explearning Academy community and unlock your full potential.

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