Do you marvel at the fact that some people seem to be such natural conversationalists to the point where confidence and grace seep from their every pore? Do you find yourself mid-conversation wondering how to keep the words flowing or what topic to bring up next? Are you terrified that silence in conversation will stymie the momentum?
Chances are if you’ve engaged with enough people not only in your first language but also your foreign language these are valid concerns. The art of conversation is a beautiful phenomenon it takes you on a journey whose destination is so different from its starting point. How many times have you blurted out “how did we even get to this topic, we were talking about something else entirely” during a conversation? That is testament to the fact that good conversations can transport you to incredible places through the transference of knowledge, powerful storytelling, and idea sharing.
How do we get to the point of having these types of conversations? Well for starters, there are four maxims that Grice has outlined for us in the Cooperative Principle. What is important to note is that these maxims are not universal. They may not be relevant outside of a western context, although there could be some sociocultural overlap. Grice’s guidelines will come in handy when interacting with Westerners or in English-speaking settings around the world. Such is the beauty of this niche we call cross-cultural and intercultural communications!
Grice’s Maxims // The Cooperative Principle:
Quantity
Be informative. Provide information that will shed light on the topic without over doing it. Refrain from TMI (too much information) where superfluous details do more harm than good. If you’re wondering how much is too much, then let me put it this way. Back in High School I had a history professor who’d quip “it should be long enough to cover the topic but short enough to be interesting” when we’d ask how long an essay should be. Clearly that analogy resonated with me since it stuck all these years. The same concept applies in conversation. When sharing information, be sure to give the main points but keep your listeners interested without overdoing it on the details.
Quality
Be truthful. Don’t lie. Not even a white lie. Unless you’re a trained spy or detective, your micro expressions will give way that you’re being untruthful. Nothing alienates potential conversation partners more than lying. Sometimes people get carried away and they notice their interlocutors are spellbound with the story that suddenly they’re off fabricating details. Don’t. It just makes a mess of things. You’re better of sharing less exciting truths than spewing captivating lies. If you want to maintain your friendships and build lasting rapport, then don’t give into instant gratification. Related to this maxim is the ability to back up claims. If someone makes a sweeping generalization or a broad statement, the interlocutors will expect there to be follow-up points and details to support the statement. It goes without saying that if you are unable to support your points, avoid making the claim.
Relation
Be relevant. Make sure that whatever you share lends itself to the conversation. If you desire a topic shift, there are ways of changing the subject that respect the unspoken rules of turn-taking. Wait for a possible completion point and then think about how to tie the new topic into the current one. When answering a question or elaborating on a point, be cognizant of relevance or you’ll risk befuddling your interlocutors. Confusion can put a damper on conversation so the easiest way to avoid this is to ask yourself is my addition meaningful to the conversation?
Manner
Be succinct and orderly. Similar to relevance you want to be aware of the manner in which you convey your points. Avoid obscurities or ambiguities so that your interlocutors can follow your train of thought easily. If there are nebulous terms, as the speaker it is your job to define them. When holding the floor as the speaker you should be as succinct as possible. If you’re verbose then your interlocutors will not only lose interest but will mentally note that you’re hogging the conversation. Lastly speak with an element of order. If there is a clear sequence, then respect it. If there is some logical chronology, follow it. The same rules apply to storytelling. If you’re recounting a story, you wouldn’t lead with the punchline.
The next time you find yourself interacting in English-speaking environments wherever you are in the world, think about Grice’s maxims. Hopefully you’ll be pleasantly surprised by how well-received your polite and engaging conversation will be. As with any new strategy, practice as often as possible. Try weaving in these principles in your next interaction with Westerners and soon enough your conversation will flow as seamlessly as a river.
Happy Explearning 🌠
About the Author and the Explearning Academy:
Mary Daphne is an expert in communication, executive interpersonal skills, and personal development. She is the founder of the Explearning Academy, a platform dedicated to helping individuals enhance their social fluency, boost their careers, and elevate their social game. Through immersive group coaching programs like the Executive Communication Lab and self-guided journeys, participants gain the social superpowers and career catapults they've been searching for. If you're ready to take your negotiation skills to the next level and connect with like-minded individuals, visit academy.explearning.co and explore the various plans available. Join the Explearning Academy community and unlock your full potential.
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