Below you'll find the Show Notes and what we touched upon this in this Explearning Live Stream.
To understand JOMO we need to first talk about FOMO.
- FOMO = fear of missing out
- Driving factor is the need to fit in and sense of belonging; (i,e., being with the “in” crowd”, being photographed in certain places, doing certain things…while looking a certain way…even if that is not what you want and who you are deep down
- It’s no question that social media perpetuates FOMO
- Instant gratification of a like, that rush of dopamine that fires
- Aligning our self-worth with vanity metrics really takes a toll on our mental wellness
- Constantly checking email and staying on top of it all
- It’s no wonder people always say they’re “busy” when in fact their just inundated with posts in the feeds, emails, texts, timelines…updates… the list goes on
Can you remember the last time you felt FOMO?
What is JOMO?
The joy of missing out.
It’s that amazing feeling you get when you decline any participation in events that don’t nurture your soul and you instead spend time doing what you want to do, doing what makes you happy.
These can be activities IRL and also virtual ones that your social group is doing or even people you don’t know personally but whose feeds you’re following on social media.
JOMO is more than just unplugging it's about being happy that you're not participating in things you don't want to participate in.
Some of this comes down to discovering what truly makes you happy. Figuring out how you want to spend your free time, your vacation, your work day...
You don’t feel the pressure to conform or do what other people are doing
Can you think of your most recent JOMO experience?
Swapping out FOMO for JOMO:
What is the key to JOMO?
In a nutshell, it's about unplugging for a bit, appreciating the moment (living in the NOW), and getting out in nature. But JOMO is also a triumph, because when we practice JOMO, we're going against the grain. We are overcoming our human nature of feeling like we have to do everything the tribe does.
Here are a few JOMO strategies you can try out to conquer FOMO feelings:
- Learning when & how to say no
- Feels good to say no to things.
- Being highly selective about what you say yes to
- Turn down invites and social engagements.
- These can also be opportunities. Only say yes to opportunities that you want to do.
- Defining your own happiness
- Figure out your own sense of purpose.
- Voice it to your friend. Real friends understand. They won't hold it against you.
- Don’t even be tempted by the social pressure to hang out, go to parties, hang out with specific groups of people because it’s what’s expected of you.
- Avoid FOMO triggers*
*Avoiding social media for a while can help minimize FOMO because:
- Social media is usually the culprit
- Social media is where people post their high light reels.
- It's intended for you to feel fomo. Designed for you to compare your life to other people's lives.
- Yes unplug. But also change your mindset. Go out and live your life, not vicariously through someone else's.
- If you have to, remove yourself from the situation. Move if you have to (jk...).
Be highly selective about what you say YES to:
That means, that sometimes you'll have to say no.
Saying “no” is hard but if you value your time and your own priorities it’s important. If you want me to make a lesson about “how to say no” then let me know in the comments section or send me a request here.
- Derek Sivers has a great book in which he provides some strategies for how to say no.
- Marie Forleo mentions in her new book Everything is Figureoutable (2019) a great tool for deciding which opportunities to say yes to. As you think about the opportunity, do you get a feeling of openness or closeness. And then ask yourself, will I regret not doing the thing or saying no to the opportunity? in a few days or years.
So, we can see that FOMO is not just about missing out on fun parties. We can also feel FOMO for opportunities. For example, you see your friend on insta running their own company, or taking a break from work to travel the world, or going to culinary school ... basically any cool opportunity that you feel like you're missing out on...
This is why it's important to do the work of figuring out what your definition of happiness is, how you define enough and discover your values so that you'll feel less FOMO, more JOMO and understand what social event and opportunities to say yes to. It comes down to knowing your priorities so that you can be selective.
Why should we strive for JOMO?
- Better mental wellness
- You do things you actually enjoy doing, with people you actually want to hang out with
- Makes you more appreciative for the moments you do the fun things to help you re energize, relax, unwind, etc. as opposed to constantly be doing stuff and just getting overbooked, over stressed and overwhelmed because of too many appointments on your calendar!
Recap
So basically if you're doing something that feels so against your true essence and is crushing your vibe, then it's probably not going to make you happy in the long run.
Then it's time for JOMO. It might look like you're missing out to the fake friends of people who just dont know you, but it's actually JOMO. You're so happy you skipped that party because you're having way more fun watching Netflix with your partner instead.
Say no. You don't have to be mean about it.
Protect your time and your mental health. Because you have to look out for yourself.
At the end of the day you have to spend your day how you best see fit and do what makes you happy.
Next Steps
A fun exercise or journal activity you can do now is answer the following:
- How would you define your happiness? (What makes you happy. YOU, not your friends or family.)
- What is your version of enough? (Not society's definition, but your definition.)
- List out your priorities and values (What do you seek out most in life both material and non-material things).
And if all else fails, remember the stoic saying Memento Mori (remember that you will die one day) so only do the things that you truly want to do and enjoy your life. Strive to be happy and you'll be a positive force in other's people's lives.
Let's embrace YOLO so no more FOMO from now on only JOMO.
Happy Explearning :)
Mentioned in this conversation:
Derek Sivers: Link
Marie Forleo's book "Everything is figureoutable"
Tim Urban's Blog called Wait but why
Tim Urban's TED Talk: Link
About the Author and the Explearning Academy:
Mary Daphne is an expert in communication, executive interpersonal skills, and personal development. She is the founder of the Explearning Academy, a platform dedicated to helping individuals enhance their social fluency, boost their careers, and elevate their social game. Through immersive group coaching programs like the Executive Communication Lab and self-guided journeys, participants gain the social superpowers and career catapults they've been searching for. If you're ready to take your negotiation skills to the next level and connect with like-minded individuals, visit academy.explearning.co and explore the various plans available. Join the Explearning Academy community and unlock your full potential.
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