How to Help an Angry Person

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Asking someone who is visibly upset whether or not they are "ok" is not a great way to help someone. Instead, learn what to say so that you can be a considerate and kind communicator. Your friends will thank you for being so thoughtful.

“Are you okay honey?” That’s the last thing you want to say to a person who looks upset, sad or angry. Here’s what to say instead. 

Today I’m giving you a better phrase to use on someone who looks like they are having a rough day.

Think about a time when you were upset or sad and someone asked you “are you ok?” “why are you upset?”

Did that make you feel better? Or did it exacerbate those negative feelings?

It probably did the latter. 

That’s why we want to avoid asking those types of questions.

Instead of stating the obvious, you want to show that person that you are caring and supportive. You can lend an ear or a shoulder to cry on. 

But they won’t open up to you or seek out your help if you make them feel worse than they already do.

Instead, try this magic phrase:

I want you know that I'm here if you need to talk. 

This phrase achieves a few key things:

  • It shows you respect their privacy and feelings
  • It shows you’re giving them time and space
  • It gives them the freedom to come to you on their own timeline

They'll appreciate that you are not prying for information, you're not stating the obvious, and you're not patronizing them / invalidating their feelings.


So to recap: when someone looks visibly upset, whatever you do, don’t ask "what's wrong", "why're you upset?", or most egregious: “are you okay?”

Instead you say: I want you know that I'm here if you need to talk. 

It will promote open, positive communication and establish your authenticity. You’ll be able to help the person much more effectively and they’ll be so grateful to you.

Do you have your own magic phrase to help someone who looks upset or sad? Let the Explearning 🐝 community know in the comments! 
I’ll see you in my next lesson. 😊

Happy Explearning 🐝