When something might not be working for you in terms of your communication or social interaction that you have, or even the social anxiety that you are working hard to overcome, there are a few things that I would like you to keep in mind so that you can actually make something work for you. Let's get into it. 

Okay. Amazing. So the first step, I want you to identify what is not working for you. What is it in your communication, in your social interaction that just doesn't seem to be cutting it? Maybe you're just not being as effective as you can be in your small talk. Maybe it's just coming off as insincere or inauthentic, or just too superficial..

Maybe that's what the issue is that you're trying to work on and improve. So the first thing, you want to identify that, right? So you've identified that the small talk needs work, but if you just keep doing the same thing over and over again without changing the input, you can't expect different output. So you can't expect a change if you're not making the change in how you're doing something.

I think we can all agree there. So the second thing you need to ask yourself is, why isn't this working? Why isn't this small talk the way I want it to be? Why is it inauthentic? Is it the people I'm engaging with that kind of bring that out at me? Is it the fact that maybe I didn't do enough research on the situation, on the setting, on the person even.

Maybe I just wasn't in the right head space for it. Maybe I was just too nervous and that social anxiety was just too profound that deterred me from being more authentic and lively and more of myself. So really sit with it. Why? Why, why? You have to ask yourself that and be honest with yourself. Don't just go through the motions of answering these questions and writing down what you think you should write down or typing out or thinking about.

I really encourage you to be as honest with yourself as you can so that you can get the most out of this exercise and get to the bottom of what's not working and why? So you've identified the what. Now you've sat with the why and you've gotten to the bottom of why it's not working.

Now for the third and the final step, which is frankly the most important to change the behavior and the outcome is to shift it into how I'm going to make this work. How am I going to make small talk work for me? What am I going to do that is going to allow me to enable me to empower me to have effective small talk in the most authentic way as possible?

So it's no longer a question of, is this going to work? Is it not going to work? Let me just throw my hands up in the air and we'll figure it out. No, you've resolved to the fact that you are going to make this work, regardless. So it comes from identifying what, identifying why, and then shifting into the how.

How are you going to make this work for you? What steps are you going to take? What actions are you going to follow that is going to get you into that place of making it work? Maybe it's about practicing. Maybe it's about prepping a little bit. Maybe it's about getting yourself in that right head space so that you feel confident when you show up for that small talk.

Maybe it's about signing up for networking events and exposing yourself to situations that demand small talk. So whatever the case you've now figured. Why that thing is not working, and you are determined to make it work by shifting into the how. So really the way you can come to the bottom of what you should work on first, and you can figure out what that should be, is to go through your priorities.

What are your priorities? What do you need? What demands your attention at work or in your personal life? What do you need to be good at to be able to communicate more effectively? And I want to rephrase that. Not need to be good at, but more so want to be good at so that you have better communication outcomes.

So thinking about your priorities is going to help you set yourself up for success. And then going through the three things that I shared with you. The what, the why, and the how. All right. Thank you so much for joining me Explearners. I will see you in the next one. Bye for now.

About the Author and the Explearning Academy:

Mary Daphne is an expert in communication, executive interpersonal skills, and personal development. She is the founder of the Explearning Academy, a platform dedicated to helping individuals enhance their social fluency, boost their careers, and elevate their social game. Through immersive group coaching programs like the Executive Communication Lab and self-guided journeys, participants gain the social superpowers and career catapults they've been searching for. If you're ready to take your negotiation skills to the next level and connect with like-minded individuals, visit academy.explearning.co and explore the various plans available. Join the Explearning Academy community and unlock your full potential.

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