Imagine you’re telling a friend what an intense, emotionally charged day you had. Here you are pouring your heart out on the verge of tears. You’re having all the feels. At this point, you’re hoping that this friend will impart some nuggets of wisdom or maybe some revelatory advice on the bigger picture. At the very least, they’ll for sure hear you out, right? Nope. What do they did instead flabbergasts you. Instead of commiserating and trying to cheer you up, they do a complete 180 on you. They tell you how amazing their day was because they got promoted! 

At this point you can’t help but think to yourself: Ummm, did they not hear what I said? How could they not have picked up on that? Here I am about to bawl my eyes out and they act like they don’t care about me.

You want to know why? I’ll tell you why.

This friend is lacking social and emotional intelligence. 

We’re going to look at ways of improving both of these intelligences in a two-part series. 

Today’s focus is on social intelligence, so keep it right here. 

[Opening]

What’s up Explearners. Mary Daphne here of myexplearning.com where we believe social skills are the key to the Good Life. What’s the Good Life? It’s where you call the shots, you have a crew you can count on, and you’re on a mission you care about.

So, first we’re going to look at the definitions and examples of social intelligence and then we’ll dive into some strategies for boosting this intelligence. 

Are we ready?

What is social intelligence?

You can think of social intelligence as how well you understand social settings. It also describes your ability to differentiate between various social settings and behavioral or social norms that are mandated by the different social environments. 

Another way of looking at it is your ability to act differently in various social roles that you play. For example, the way you are at home will be different from the way you are at work. And the way you are with a group of college friends will be different from how you are around your grandparents or colleagues.

At this point I’m sure you’re seeing an interesting reality: We are a slightly different version of ourselves depending on the people we are interacting with and the social setting we are in.

In fact, one of the most important things that falls under social intelligence is the ability to feel comfortable with the many different versions of ourselves. Right? These are all true selves. They’re just slightly different versions of us. They are what make us interesting, unique, and multidimensional.

And that brings me to another important point we need to talk about.

Impression management. 

People who have high SQ (social quotient) or social intelligence are very good about managing the impression of themselves that they give to the people they are interacting with.

They are able to read their audience and selectively reveal the version of themselves that is most appealing or persuasive in that context.

For example, to your boss, you might choose to reveal your proactive and confident self. By contrast, with your partner, you may instead reveal your empathetic and goofy self.

What’s really cool is that you can actually increase your social quotient through social interactions, both the successes and the failures. It just requires that you remain attuned to the participants, the setting, and your impression management. Think of it as a muscle that needs to be strengthened and conditioned regularly.

Specifically, here are a few strategies for increasing your social intelligence:

Pay attention to the version of yourself you reveal in different social settings

For example, what self do you use to respond to a stranger asking “how are you?” How about when you are making small talk at a networking event?

Compare that with who you are with your family.

As you do this, pay attention to the aspects of these various selves that you like, and to the aspects that you don’t like.

Explore their similarities and differences.

Pay attention to others

Ask people questions about themselves and their interests to get them to open up.

Focus on what they are saying and how they are saying it, paying special attention to their facial expressions and body language.

This applies both to listening and to when you are speaking – observe how they are receiving what you are saying and adapt your speech accordingly.

Nurture your relationships

Your relationships are at the core of your happiness and well being.

By nurturing them, you give yourself the opportunity to develop important social intelligence while strengthening your sense of fulfillment and belonging.

For this reason, it’s critical that you make time to invest in relationships, have the tough conversations, check in on those you love, and be a positive force in their life.

You’ll find that as you’re improving your SQ, your interactions will become more solid and you’ll feel more authentic in a diverse range of social settings.

You’ll like the version of yourself that you’re putting in front of people because you are doing so thoughtfully and deliberately.

The people you engage with will also respond positively to your heightened SQ, which you’ll notice in the form of closer relationships and better professional outcomes.

But as we started out saying, social Intelligence is only half of the equation.

Be sure to tune in next week as we discuss the other half of the equation, emotional intelligence, and I’ll share how both SQ and EQ are a superhero power couple. 

That’s a wrap on this lesson, Explearners.

Be sure to check out the blog article over at myexplearning.com to review the concepts and strategies discussed here today.

If you enjoyed this lesson, like, comment and share, it really helps support the Explearning community and all the hard work we put into this channel.

And if you haven’t done so already, subscribe to join our tribe of Explearners.

I’ll see you in my next lesson! 😊

Happy Explearning! 

About the Author and the Explearning Academy:

Mary Daphne is an expert in communication, executive interpersonal skills, and personal development. She is the founder of the Explearning Academy, a platform dedicated to helping individuals enhance their social fluency, boost their careers, and elevate their social game. Through immersive group coaching programs like the Executive Communication Lab and self-guided journeys, participants gain the social superpowers and career catapults they've been searching for. If you're ready to take your negotiation skills to the next level and connect with like-minded individuals, visit academy.explearning.co and explore the various plans available. Join the Explearning Academy community and unlock your full potential.

Thank you for reading! If you found this blog post valuable, don't forget subscribe to our YouTube channel and follow our podcast!

✨

🎁5-DAY FREE CHALLENGE 🎁
🎤 Sign up for my group coaching program🎤
🤩 Join our community 🤩 for a self-guided fully-supported journey
✨ Learn more about Explearning Academy ✨
🏆 Sign up for our 33-Day Executive Excellence Challenge 🏆