If you want to become a more effective communicator as a shy person, you’re not alone. So many people I chat with tell me how they would love to be better at conversation but are too afraid to put themselves out there.

We know the value of social interaction and how good it feels to have a lively and meaningful conversation with someone.  So the question we’re answering in this video is not why we need to be a better communicator but how to be a better communicator as a shy person.

Sure, it requires some courage but that goes for extroverts as well. No one is 100% confident 100% of the time. Some types of social interaction and some people we engage with can leave even the strongest most confident communicators shaking from social anxiety.

Today I’m sharing 4 ways you can improve your communication skills and have more engaging conversations with people. 

It’s true that sometimes we might need to muster up the courage to have a conversation, but once you’re communicating it’s time to truly be in it.

With that, let’s jump right in.

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Focus On Listening

Listening is not as scary as speaking. You’re not as put on the spot. But don’t undervalue your role as listeners. It’s no insignificant responsibility. And there is a right way and a wrong way to listen. Let’s talk about the right way to listen showing interest in what the speaker is sharing. Be actively listening by nodding your head, leaning in, using discourse markers like “right, wow, cool, nice, hmm, ah hah” ..and so forth” because that shows that you care what the speaker is saying. Doing the opposite of that would be the wrong way to listen and believe me the speaker will pick up on it and make a mental note of it. Part of what makes a good communicator good is their ability to speak well but also listen well. So as a shy person, you may not necessarily want to do the talking in the beginning of the conversation, so listen more than you speak. Once you’ve warmed up to the person and are ready to speak, then you can do so. But don’t feel like you need to be super talkative right at the get-go. Give the other person a chance to speak as you warm up, and meanwhile you can showcase you’re extraordinary listening skills.

Build On It

You should feel zero pressure to come up with the topic of conversation. Instead, build on what the speaker is sharing. Since you’ve been listening so closely, you’re able to ask follow up questions. For example, if the speaking is telling you about their workout you can follow up by asking how long they’ve been consistently working out. Alternatively, you can ask them what their favorite types of training are. The goal with building on the conversation is to take the pressure off of you to come up with new material. Use what you’ve got. Meaning, asking elaboration questions and clarifying questions are great ways to build on the current topic. If you’re on the topic of working out maybe it got you thinking about the great outdoors and now you’re on a related topic of hiking and other outdoor activities, that’s great! Keep building on the conversation. One of my favorite aspects of conversation is how fluid it can be. One of the most fun things is to allow the conversation to unfold naturally, let it ebb and flow without forcing it and it’s pretty magical. Suddenly someone might interject with “how did we even get on this topic” or “what was it that we were talking about, again?” That’s when you know you’re both really engaged in the conversation that you let it take on a life of its own. Good stuff!

Can You Relate

Is there anything that the speaker is sharing that you can relate to? Do you have a similar experience or story to share? If they’re sharing an anecdote, reply with an anecdote of your own. It shouldn’t be totally random, try to find a modicum of similarity. For example if there sharing something from their study abroad year in college, you could share something from when you studied abroad as well, if you didn’t go abroad you can share a story from your junior year of college. The point is to find some common ground. Again, this does not require you to work with new material, you’re using what they’re giving you. But you’re adding to the conversation and sharing your own stories and insights. What you’re brining to the table is unique in and of itself.

Express Yourself

We’re always communicating. Even when we’re silent we’re communicating. So don’t think that you can only communicate through speaking. There’s so much you can say with your body language and facial expressions alone. If you have an expressive face, great! Keep it up. If you don’t, then that could be something that you start incorporating in your conversations. Practice using hand gestures and practice making facial expressions. Even something so simple as a smile, nod, or raising or furrowing of the eyebrows is a great place to start. The point is, you can communicate through your expressions. Until you feel more confident to speak in the conversation, express yourself through your hand gestures and facial expressions while the person is speaking. Once you feel more confident, add words to your nonverbal communication! This will add that extra dimension to your message. 

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So those are four strategies to help introverts become more confident communicators during social interaction. 

Honestly even extroverts have days where they might be feeling shy or timid. And that’s ok! No one is 100% impervious to social anxiety. We all have those moments where social interactions can feel daunting. So if you’re an extrovert or ambivert watching this, then these strategies will come in handy for you too!

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Let's Recap:

1. Focus on Listening: a good communicator is a good listener, show interest and be engaged
2. Build On It: ask follow up questions, ask elaboration and clarifying questions, there’s no need to build new material, just work with what they’re sharing, you don’t have to reinvent the wheel
3. Can you Relate: is there a similar experience or story you have to share?, share it, you bring new insights and fresh perspectives, making what you share unique 
4. Express yourself: your body language is communicating, your face is communicating, if you’re expressive with your face and hand gestures, you’re doing social interaction, keep it up! And if you’re not, then that’s something to be aware of and start incorporating more of

Practice these strategies and make them part of your communicator toolkit. They’ll enable you to participate in conversation even when you’re not feeling your most confident.

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Alright EXPLEARNERS that's it from me.

I’d love to hear your own ideas for improving conversation as an introvert or when someone is feeling shy.

Share that with me and the Explearning community in the comments down below.

And, if you loved this lesson, please be sure to let me know. You can give this video a thumb’s up on YouTube and if you haven’t done so already subscribe to join our tribe of Explearners, so you never miss a lesson. If you ring that bell, you’ll get notified about our new lessons.  Email this video to a friend or coworker who also wants to improve their communication and supercharge their social skills. 

While we’re at it, feel free to also share this with friends and family. 

The writeups of these lessons are always available on our blog at explearning.co/blog.

With that, have an awesome week, Explearners. 

Thank you so much for joining me and I’ll see you next time for your next Explearning lesson.

Happy Explearning ⚡

About the Author and the Explearning Academy:

Mary Daphne is an expert in communication, executive interpersonal skills, and personal development. She is the founder of the Explearning Academy, a platform dedicated to helping individuals enhance their social fluency, boost their careers, and elevate their social game. Through immersive group coaching programs like the Executive Communication Lab and self-guided journeys, participants gain the social superpowers and career catapults they've been searching for. If you're ready to take your negotiation skills to the next level and connect with like-minded individuals, visit academy.explearning.co and explore the various plans available. Join the Explearning Academy community and unlock your full potential.

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