Saying no is a difficult thing to do but also an important communication skill to have. There is a right way to say no and it’s about striking the balance.

Life isn’t defined by what you say yes to but what you say no to. There are so many opportunities in life and if you say yes to everything you might miss out on a big opportunity or on the right opportunity. 

Equip yourself with how to say no the right way so that you can only say yes to a few opportunities that you can make the best of. 

If you say yes to everything professionally, meaning whatever your boss or colleagues put in front of you, then it could potentially take away the time you could be productive on something else.

Here are some strategies you can use at times you’d like to say no in personal or professional communication contexts:

Be Firm About It

• Be assertive
• Don’t be elusive about it
• Get to point 
• No beating around the bush
• Use your deeper tones and power pitch
• Assert yourself and stand your ground
• Articulate your points

Don’t Explain Yourself

• There’s no need to provide an elaborate explanation about why are you saying no
• It’s easy to be talked out of an explanation 
• Give a short explanation at most (if the person presses for it)
• Sometimes the reason for saying “no” might not be something you want to talk about
• You’re not there to be convinced if your answer is “no”
• Say no and do it politely
• Don’t offer an explanation, keep the answer general
• Don’t feel the need out of guilt to explain yourself or justify your saying “no”

Have a Back-Up Answer

• Have a few answers that you’ve thought about and keep them in your communication toolbox for future use
• Requires anticipation of a question you’ll potentially get asked
• How to say know in different situations (work-related, social life related, etc)
• Deflecting tactic: “when the time comes we’ll talk again about it” opens up the possibility of potentially doing this in the future but not committing to anything specific; helps prevent the argument of “why won’t you do this” and diffuses the counter-argument
• Be prepared for a counter argument if you give a backup answer

Spell it Out

• No beating around the bush
• Avoid delaying 
• Avoid hedging
• If they sense hesitation on your part that signals you could be talked into it, even when you actually want to say no
• Do this politely, say thank you and show your appreciation and gratitude but still say no in a firm way
• Avoid the phrase “I’d love to but…” if you actually don’t want to do something and say instead “I appreciate you thinking of me but unfortunately can’t do it”
• Use “I’d love to but…” if you do want to do something but at a later date

Ask A Question

•  Reorient the conversation away from what they’re asking you to do
• Turn it into a conversation instead of a direct yes/no request

***

 The difference between successful people and very successful people is that the very successful people say no to almost everything. (Warren Buffet)

Try out these strategies the next time you need to politely say no to a request or invitation.  By packaging the message in a way that’s polite but firm, you’ll get outcomes that work well for you and don’t put you in awkward situations or places.

It’s worth getting good at being able to say no.

Happy Explearning ⚡

About the Author and the Explearning Academy:

Mary Daphne is an expert in communication, executive interpersonal skills, and personal development. She is the founder of the Explearning Academy, a platform dedicated to helping individuals enhance their social fluency, boost their careers, and elevate their social game. Through immersive group coaching programs like the Executive Communication Lab and self-guided journeys, participants gain the social superpowers and career catapults they've been searching for. If you're ready to take your negotiation skills to the next level and connect with like-minded individuals, visit academy.explearning.co and explore the various plans available. Join the Explearning Academy community and unlock your full potential.

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