You probably know by now the value of social connections.

They help us live longer and happier lives.

And what’s an important aspect of social connections?

Friendships.

You’ve also probably noticed that it becomes more difficult to make friendships as we get older. Once we’re out of school, where do we meet people who eventually become our friends? This is particularly true if you’ve moved to a new city, relocated to a new country, or if your friends have done the same.

This is why it’s important to cultivate the friendships we have so they can stand the test of time. And they’ll also be helpful when you’re forming new friendships throughout your lifetime, because you will be making more friends even as you get older!

Today I’m sharing strategies that will help you build strong friendship that last.

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No Ghosting

In other words, keep in touch with your friends. And I know that this can be hard if your life is your work right now, you’re a busy parent or maybe you’re in a totally different time zone.

As someone who’s lived in different time zones from close friends, what’s helped me is scheduling a video call ahead of time and get it on everyone’s calendars, setting reminders to keep it top of mind.

When you set something in concrete you’re more likely to hold yourself accountable. 

These check-ins don’t have to be long. Sometimes we only have 20 minutes, but you can make it count by engaging in meaningful conversation.

Of course, it’s always nice to meet in-person when it’s feasible but virtual communication can be just as effective.

Also, you can keep in touch by doing an activity together – even virtual. For example, you might have a workout scheduled and invite your friend to join. This could be in-person but also through video chat. And that way you’re doing something together and sharing the experience.

I realize that you might not be able to do this for every friendship, but for the ones where you can workout out a schedule go for it. Don’t give up on the ones where it seems like you can never schedule a catch up, it just might require an extra bit of planning on both your parts. But if the friendship is important to you, you’ll find a configuration that works!

Good Treatment

Treat your friends with the utmost care. Thank them for doing you a favor. Show them that you appreciate them, a sincere “thank you” will suffice. Do them a favor. And apologize when that’s needed. 

In other words, be kind to your friends. Be more of a giver than a taker. Listen more than you speak. Ask them how they are. Let your actions speak for you. Even if you’re far away, send them a kind email telling them you miss them. Send a care package in the mail. Show them some gratitude. 

If you’re in the same city you can surprise them with a fun outdoor activity or enjoy a new cool shared experience. 

And keep in mind that this doesn’t require you to reach for your wallet. There’re plenty of activities that can be done on a budget or completely free! Having an outdoor picnic, doing a nature walk or hike, going on a camping trip, are lots of fun and won’t break the bank!

So there are no excuses not to hang out.

Focus on Quality

As with many things in life, when it comes to friendships quality takes precedence over quantity.

A few close friends with whom you can have deep heart-to-heart conversations is so much more fulfilling than having 50 friends that are more like acquaintances or not real friends. 

Sharing your ups and downs, not just your highlight reel, can help you get closer to someone. Open up your heart and mind, ask for advice, show your vulnerable sides. No one is expected to be perfect, so don’t feel like you can show all the imperfections that we all have.

Frequency of the interactions is less important that the level of sincerity of the conversation. In other words, you might be going on a walk every day with someone but never really get to know them because they don’t open up to you or show any personal side to them. However, you might have a friend with whom you only speak to once a month, but when you do it’s a heart-warming exchange between two people who dig deep and really know each other. Which type of interaction do you think feels better and is more emotionally satisfying. The deeper one that’s not as frequent rather than the surface-level frequent one, right?

Prioritize

Now it’s unrealistic to assume that you’ll have several hours a week to spend on friendships.

This might be the case in one’s twenties, but as we age and we accumulate more and more responsibilities and as families grow (meaning marriage, kids, etc.) we only have so much time to allocate.

Some of you have probably already experience this by now. 

This is why you need prioritizing the friendships that mean the most to you.

People change, priorities shift, people lose touch. If a friendship starts to feel forced then maybe it’s time to let it go. Not all friendships are build to last, and that’s ok. 

You might still keep in touch with your best friend childhood or you might not. Maybe your college roommate is still your #1 bestie. 

The point is, don’t feel pressure to make something work when it’s no longer working. 

But if it is still working, then make those friendships a priority.

Make time for them, show them you care, schedule in fun online or offline get togethers or activities. Share your ups and downs, go beyond surface-level exchanges. 

Skip Small Talk

Small talk is for when you are just meeting someone. We use it in the early stages of building rapport and figuring out who they are and what their interests are.

If you know this person for a while now and are still making small talk, you’re stuck in the no-friend zone. That’s not a true friend. If they’re not opening up to you and you feel like it’s unrequited move on. 

With friends, we want to have those deep and meaningful conversations. Talk about life, talk about memories, talk about shared experiences, get nostalgic, get cheesy, crack the surface.

Meaningful conversations improve our wellbeing and our overall life satisfaction.

And again, you can achieve this with just one or two good friends. 

Lift them Up

It’s not a competition. You helping your friend be better will also make you better. Imagine you wanting to get stronger. You enroll in a strength training program and you invite your friend. You’re on this strength-building journey together. You have an accountability partner now. You’re more likely to stick to the program, share nutrition tips to optimize hypertrophy and enjoy the training much more that you’re doing it together. How much better is that than just getting strong by yourself? 

When you lift your friends up you lift yourself up.

You influence each other even in subtle ways, sometimes without even realizing it on the spot. We learn so much from each other. So recognize that, appreciate that, and do more of that 😊

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Maybe this lesson has gotten you to look at your current friendships and how you maintain these friendships. Hopefully these strategies help you prioritize the top friendships in your life and maybe even increase your understanding of how you might even be a better friend.

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So to recap, we want to keep in touch, treat our friends well, focus on quality of the friendships, allocate time to the friendships we prioritize and letting go of the ones we don’t without remorse or guilt, dive deep and ditch the small talk, lift your friends up.

Oh an while we’re at it, give them a great big bear hug. That tactile feeling lights up our neural pathways and has calming effects on our CNS. The endorphins and dopamine will get your feeling warm, fuzzy, safe, and loved. 

Let’s go out there and be a better friend!

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Alright Explearners, I hope you enjoyed this lesson. Comment below on how you’re stepping up your friend game. Share with me other strategies of how you’re going to be a better friend.

I’ll see you in the next lesson!

Happy Explearning ⚡

About the Author and the Explearning Academy:

Mary Daphne is an expert in communication, executive interpersonal skills, and personal development. She is the founder of the Explearning Academy, a platform dedicated to helping individuals enhance their social fluency, boost their careers, and elevate their social game. Through immersive group coaching programs like the Executive Communication Lab and self-guided journeys, participants gain the social superpowers and career catapults they've been searching for. If you're ready to take your negotiation skills to the next level and connect with like-minded individuals, visit academy.explearning.co and explore the various plans available. Join the Explearning Academy community and unlock your full potential.

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