SHOULD THEY STAY OR SHOULD THEY GO? CIAO, TOXIC PEOPLE!
When deciding whether you should keep up a relationship - be it personal or professional - it comes down to 3 questions.
Let’s look at my 3 ways of asking yourself if the relationship is worth it.
Today we’re talking about assessing our current relationships and figuring out whether those people should stay in our lives or if they’re bringing us down.
In order to do this exercise, we have 3 questions that you’ll be asking yourself.
This is a reflection exercise, which helps develop your intrapersonal communication skills and the self-talk we have when analyzing a situation.
Let’s jump right in:
(1) Do You Feel Good Around Them?
In other words, do you walk away from the coffee break, the meeting, the date with a happy and fulfilled sensation? Or do you feel broken and empty inside? Do you feel judged? Do you feel undervalued? Do you feel less than? If you feel like the glass is half empty after interacting with this person then it might be time to assess the situation. You may need to do some introspection to figure out why they make you feel this way? Is it feelings of jealousy on your part (in which case, you need to change your attitude). Or are they making you feel badly about yourself or your work (degrading you, being condescending, overwhelmingly critical, etc.) … in which case, they’re the problem.
(2) Are You Learning from Them?
Do you feel that there are lessons to be learned when conversing or interacting with this person? Be it silent teachings, meaning you learn from their actions, their experiences, your inferences about their life etc. Be it overt teachings in which case they teach you a skill or a strategy or do a demonstration. They teach you something when interacting with you. This could be as casual as telling you about a phenomenal life-changing book they’ve read, a new exercise regimen, an incredible meditation app they’re using. As you know, we learn every day. A lot of that learning happens outside of the classroom, well after we’ve graduated.
*Just an aside here, it’s tangentially related, I promise.*
I am of the belief that unless that person is 100% toxic, you can learn something from everyone you interact with. It’s on you to find the teachable moment. Learning from someone is not always premeditated or deliberate. Sometimes the most powerful teachings come to us the quietest, most unsuspecting ways. We should leave our judgy-pants at home, and come to each social interaction with an open mind and heart. This is how we can learn from everyone we interact with.
(3) Do They Add Value to Your Life?
Obviously, we’re talking about non-material value here. If you’re interested in whether they’ll buy you a Rolex or Ferrari then you’re reading the wrong blog post. But if you want to know whether they add value in an immaterial way then keep reading?
Do they make you laugh? Do you get inspired being around them (are they like a creative muse for you?)? Do you enjoy their company? Do they make you feel energized and good about yourself? Do you feel zen talking to them? Do they give you invaluable advice? Do they listen to you with empathy?
Now is the time to assess the answers to each of the three questions to figure out whether they are to stay or to go.
If the answer is overwhelmingly positive for these three questions, then they’re a positive presence in your life and totally worth your time. They’re a keeper!
If the answer is mostly no, then you should probably tone it down with them. Not necessarily advocating for burning bridges, here, but slowly phase them out in a quiet gentle way. They’re out of the Rolodex, darling.
Ask yourself these three questions when you need to decide if it is time to let go. Sometimes we remain attached to people who no longer serve us, and sometimes that is to our detriment. So maybe it’s time to Spring Clean or Marie Kondo your relationships and use these three questions to help you determine who stays and who goes.
Best of luck with the purge and….
Happy Explearning🐝
About the Author and the Explearning Academy:
Mary Daphne is an expert in communication, executive interpersonal skills, and personal development. She is the founder of the Explearning Academy, a platform dedicated to helping individuals enhance their social fluency, boost their careers, and elevate their social game. Through immersive group coaching programs like the Executive Communication Lab and self-guided journeys, participants gain the social superpowers and career catapults they've been searching for. If you're ready to take your negotiation skills to the next level and connect with like-minded individuals, visit academy.explearning.co and explore the various plans available. Join the Explearning Academy community and unlock your full potential.
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